Since I shared my weight-loss back story in my first post, I thought this second post would be a good opportunity to share some thoughts about what my life is like today and who I am now (70 lbs. lighter). As far as I can figure out, I'm:
1. A college graduate. It took me six years, at a small, local university with a median age of 40, to get my degree. I basically duffed around for the last 1.5 years, but in the end, I got it done.
2. Unemployed. Since March. Six months! I initially quit the job that got me through college because I hated it and I hated the thought of still working retail when I was obviously destined for so much more. Plus there was a bit of conflict over my cell phone usage on the sales floor. Needless to say, I kinda-sorta flipped out on my manager and gave my two months notice. Why two months? Because I figured the human thing would be to help out during the holiday season seeing as my boss is/was completely incompetent and made a habit of hiring barely functioning associates. I got another job in February at a local, family-owned flooring company. It was full-time, a schedule I can't keep without losing large parts of my sanity and sense of self - something I am gonna have to work on at my next full-time job. Also, I worked basically in a refurbished warehouse, with no windows in sight, on dirty carpets, in a busted-up chair, with missing ceiling tiles above my head. It was less than ideal. And I could just feel myself getting fat. "I don't like it here! I know, a handful of M & Ms offered by my co-worker will surely make everything ok!" Well, it didn't. One of my direct supervisors was a complete lecherous jerk, so I quit. It was a temp job so I didn't feel they deserved notice. But anyway, here I am...six months later. I've only had 2 interviews in that time. I've applied to 20 jobs since September 1st.
3. Hungry. Like, right now. I'm really hungry. Maybe not really hungry, but I could definitely eat something. Am I gonna? No. I'm still in that place, post-weight loss, just learning how to maintain, where my food/exercise thoughts are more than a little disordered. Losing weight is such a simple process when you get down to the meat-and-potatoes of the whole debacle (at least it was pretty easy for me. I almost enjoyed it in a sick second way, as if I was conducting a science experiment with my own body.) I'd like to get to a place where I don't think about calories consumed and burned, and some days I do better than others. Truth is, I could probably stand to gain a couple of pounds, maybe get to somewhere between 130-135. But after nearly two years of steadily seeing lower numbers on the scale, it's a bit of a blow to see the number hover day-after-day. I should be happier, I am happy that I am finally at a weight that makes me feel good about myself. My mind has yet to catch up to my body. It took me years to see how unhealthy I had made myself. I imagine it will take a little time for the opposite. I still feel huge, lurking. Like I take up too much space. 'Tis a mind fuck!
4. Lost! I'm 24. Live at home. I have less than $1,000 in the bank. I want Fage and skinny cords! I thought everything (read: life) would just figure itself out for me while I was in school. To clarify, things have always come easy to me. I'm not stuck-up about it, it's just a fact. I always got my spelling words correct on the first try and got to learn the larger, more challenging words. I knew what teachers expected out of tests, papers, reports and got As. I would be happier about this fact if it had actually led to a logical conclusion. Turns out, in life, there are no teachers to impress. There is no secret formula that just needs to be deciphered before the money starts rolling in and I am world-famous. Or maybe there is, but I used up all my good luck on book reports and dioramas. That would suck! So, yeah. I'm a typical case of Failure to Launch. My high school guidance counselor went so far as to call me - in a letter of reference - "Jack of all Trades, Master at None." I have no clue what I am doing/going to do with my life/where I will be/who I will share that life with. It's disheartening/frustrating, but in true-Kendall fashion, I remain positive that it's all gonna work out somehow and life outside my head will be as fabulous as it is inside!
Anyway, that's all for now! Think I will go for a walk before it starts to downpour again.
Oh, and when I said I wasn't going to eat again...I meant until dinnertime! I gotta have my eats!